How do I Choose the Perfect Partner?
As Sheikh Bilal Dannoun puts it, “Marriage is about two imperfect people that never give up on each other.”
The Prophet said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.”
These are the things that a man should look for when looking to get married, and it encourages people to do their homework, in order to have a healthy and happy marriage. Look for a triple M, Muslim Marriage Material, referring to the above hadith.
Unfortunately 50% of marriages end in divorce according to a recent study done by American Psychological Association (APA). It is important to find someone who is your no.1 fan and makes you feel good about yourself.
When looking for a partner you need to have reasonable standards, you should know what you want, make a list and look for something that is important to you, you want someone that interests you.
Engagements occurs once the man is ready to marry he asks for the women’s hand and there has been an acceptance on both the women and families part. During this period no other suitors can come and ask for her hand. There is no religious obligations in an engagement, it is a formal, but an informal agreement. This engagement period allows you to get to know that person, it can, it can last for however long it takes to: get to know that person, financially ready, etc., there is no time limit, but it shouldn’t been prolonged.
For women there is a stigma when she calls off an engagement, or Katb al-Kitab (KK). If she is unhappy in her situation and there is “no spark”, she should look for the best outcome, and it would be in her best interest to go to her father.
Compatibility is something the scholars of Islam have spoken about, which you will find when you find out what you both want in your marriage.
After the engagement period, a KK is conducted which is formerly known as the Nikkah, and it is the contract itself that both people sign. This Islamically means that you are married, however there can be conditions. During the KK there needs to be representation for the women usually her father, if he isn’t around her uncle, or a mahram, this person is known as a Wali. There has two be two male witnesses, a dowry written in the contract.
Once the KK has been signed the couple can know be alone and there is no need for mahram, some couples after the KK move out, other take a while to move out. There is usually a ceremony after the KK is known as the walimah, which is sunnah, some scholars state that it is an obligation.
It was narrated that Anas said, “The Messenger of Allah saw traces of yellow perfume on ‘Abdur-Rahman and said, ‘What is this?’ He said, ‘I married a woman for a Nawah (five Dirhams) of gold.’ He said, ‘May Allah bless you. Give a Walimah (wedding feast) even if it is with one sheep.’”
According to Islamic Shariah there are requirements to get married,
“And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His Bounty.”
Talk to your local Sheikh or Imam to find out the specific requirements to that you are pleasing Allah when looking to get married.